Welcome
Welcome to the Right Now! Notes Holiday newsletter. This issue talks about letting go of what isn’t working so that we can dream anew! I’ve also put together an amazing list of books and music to help with your holiday shopping. If you’re shopping for coaching help, check out the numerous coaching specials and new groups at the end of this newsletter. And don’t forget to use the Right Now! Web site’s holiday ECard section. Stop by today to wish someone a Happy Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas, or a Joyful New Year!

Listen to Rochelle the Right Now! Coach on the Radio
Rochelle talks about overcoming writer’s block with the hosts of The Coaching Show on WSRadio.

Overcoming Denial & Dreaming Anew
Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of unpleasant external realities or internal thoughts and feelings.
—www.minddisorders.com

Denial. What a powerful force! Late one Friday night, we saw a female skunk in our back yard. We woke early the next morning to the strong odor of rotten eggs. I thought, “Nah, couldn’t be a skunk. Has to be a gas leak.”

We called the Natural Gas company. While we waited, my daughter saw a male skunk in the front yard. When the service assistant arrived, he got out of the truck, sniffing like a search & rescue dog. “Where is she?” he asked. A few minutes later, the man said, “You’ve got a female skunk in heat living under the front porch.”

The strong skunky smell permeated the house for the weekend. The humane society suggested we evict the skunks by hazing them with loud music, bright flashing lights, and mothballs. But then we heard that our neighbor thought the skunks were living under her shed. Maybe we didn’t have skunks after all! We decided to wait on the hazing.

More than three weeks later, after constantly burning scented candles, the front vestibule smells like vanilla-scented skunk. Our recent snowstorm brought clear proof of our guests: skunk prints next to our porch’s small opening.

We persist in our practice of denial. We say:
• Maybe it’s not so bad to offer hospitality to skunks.
• They’ll be hibernating soon.
• If we kick them out now, they’ll just come back.

Yeah—we have a problem with denial.

What about you? What are you living with that’s stinking up your life?

What do you plan to do about it?

Many of us put off dealing with the sucky stuff until after the holidays. (That’s one reason heart attack rates rise over the holidays. People delay seeing their doctor about symptoms.) I have a better plan: face the truth now.

In his book Chasing Daylight, Eugene O’Kelly talked about how he dealt with his diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. He believed in facing and accepting the truth: I cultivated an ability to make big shifts quickly, almost instantly. When something in my life no longer worked, I could abandon it with little sentiment. I did not look back, nor did I digress from my new path. It seemed to me that no good came from pretending that what used to be true was still true when clearly it wasn’t, or that what really was true, no matter how unpleasant, really wasn’t. (p. 9)

Step One. Look at the various areas of your life. Ask yourself: What isn’t working? You know something is not working if:
• you constantly complain about it.
• you ruminate about how to fix it (with no apparent or lasting solution).
• it drains your energy.
• it draws the bulk of your time.
• it trips up your routines.
• it repeatedly causes you to feel anxious, sad, frustrated, or angry.

Step Two. Ask yourself: What am I going to do about it? Then, make a change. Start small. Acknowledge that spending three hours every night in front of the television eating M&Ms doesn’t help you get in shape. Let go of the hope that the boyfriend who constantly criticizes you is going to make a good husband. Stop pretending that the friend who never has time to get together cares about you. Find a new path and move on.

Prepare yourself for the challenge of letting go. This part of the process often carries with it much grief. If we’ve tolerated difficulty and denied the truth for some time, it’s probably because we have invested deeply in whatever it is that’s hurting us—a practice, a relationship, a goal. We have hoped and prayed and worked for this part of our life to be different than it is. Facing the truth can be really hard. Take comfort in this: when you let go of what does not work, you make room for new dreams.

Listen to how ALO puts it in their song, Barbeque:
But before you can rise from the ashes
You've got to burn baby burn

Welcome to your Barbecue
Where we roast all the dreams that never came true
Welcome to your Barbecue
Pig out and dream anew

Dear Readers, next month we’ll talk about new dreams—and how to set in motion a plan to achieve our goals. For now, toast to the past and let it go. You’ll feel lighter.

Happy Holidays,
—Rochelle, the Right Now! Coach

The Right Now! Coach's Great Big Holiday Book and Music List!
When the holiday frenzy gets to you, put on some music and curl up with a good book! Use The Right Now Coach's Great Big Holiday Book and Music List as your guide for holiday shopping (both for you and your loved ones)! When you click from this list to make a purchase at Amazon, my portion of that sale will be used to purchase books for the Dream Keepers, a writing class I teach for inner city teens. So go ahead and shop—it’s for a good cause!

Fiction and Mystery
The Gifts of the Body by Rebecca Brown
The story follows the work of a home care aid who supports people of all ages and walks of life who have been afflicted with AIDS. The author profoundly renders caring human relationships developed in the midst of illness.

The Unquiet: A Thriller by John Connolly
Maine PI Charlie Parker tries to protect Rebecca Clay from Frank Merrick, a former contract killer who wants to find Clay’s father, a child psychiatrist who treated Merrick’s daughter. Merrick’s goal: find his missing daughter or avenge her death. This is a dark and chilling thriller that will keep you reading well into the night.

Dahlia's Gone: A Novel by Katie Estill
Teenaged Dahlia is brutally stabbed to death while home alone with her stepbrother Timothy. The story focuses on the actions and reactions of three women: Dahlia’s fundamentalist stepmother Norah, neighbor Sand Williams, and deputy sheriff Patti Callahan. 

The Monk Upstairs: A Novel by Tim Farrington
In this funny and touching sequel to The Monk Downstairs, lapsed and doubting Catholic Rebecca Martin marries former monk and tenant Mike Christopher. Their new marriage is blessed and challenged by the rest of the family: Rebecca’s young daughter Mary Martha, her mother Phoebe, and her ex-husband, a recovering pot addict.

SLIPKNOT by Linda Greenlaw
This nautical mystery featuring detective-turned-marine investigator Jane Bunker comes from the bestselling author of two nonfiction books, The Hungry Ocean and The Lobster Chronicles. On her first day at work, Jane happens upon the body of alcoholic cod fisherman Nick Dow and suspects foul play.

Bronx Masquerade by Nikki Grimes
When English teacher Mr. Ward hosts a Friday open mike, his students find an opportunity to put their lives into their poetry. A great read for teens and those who want to know more about the lives of contemporary teens.

Chicago Blues: A New Collection of Crime Stories about the Real Windy City edited by Libby Fischer Hellmann
This new collection features work by some of the best mystery writers around—Sara Paretsky, Stuart Kaminsky, and Barbara D’Amato among them. The stories in this book will frighten and delight you—and have you singing the blues.

Curse of the Holy Pail, The: An Odelia Grey Mystery by Sue Ann Jaffarian
This fun and fast-paced series, which debuted with Too Big to Miss, features plus-size, middle-aged paralegal Odelia Grey. In this book, Grey finds out that her client has been murdered and the prized piece of his lunch box collection, the Chappy Wheeler lunch box, has been stolen.

Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren
Fans around the world celebrated Lindgren’s 100th birthday this October. I learned most everything I know about chutzpah and creativity from reading (and rereading) Pippi as a young girl. Find a young friend and read it together.

The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty
43-year-old Smithy Ide weighs 279 pounds, drinks and smokes heavily, and spends his days attaching arms and legs to action hero dolls. Shortly after his parents die as a result of a car accident, he discovers that his beautiful and troubled sister has died in California. Smithy embarks on a cross-country bike trip to recover the body of his sister and, in the process, discovers himself and love.

Feathers by Jacqueline Woodson
This is the hopeful story of Frannie, a young African American girl in the 70s and her interaction with her very religious best friend Samantha, the new boy that everyone is calling Jesus Boy, her deaf brother, and the rest of her family. Her grandmother tells her, “You just remember there's a time when each one of us is the different one and when it's our turn, we're always wishing and hoping it was somebody else. You be that somebody else when you see that boy. You be the one to remember.”

Memoir and Poetry
The Goldfish Went on Vacation: A Memoir of Loss (and Learning to Tell the Truth about It) by Patty Dann
When Dann’s beloved husband is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, she must figure out how to tell their three-year-old son Jake. Dann’s short vignettes chronicle the course of her husband’s illness and how she and her son learn how to grieve together.

Acolytes: Poems by Nikki Giovanni
This collection of poems gives tribute to those who have helped in the struggle for justice and peace.

Everyday Matters by Danny Gregory
Gregory began to draw as a way of coping after his beloved wife Patti fell under a subway train and was paralyzed from the waist down. This graphic journal connects the reader with Gregory’s journey of recovery and renewal.

Ten Poems to Set You Free
Ten Poems to Change Your Life by Roger Housden
As the year draws to a close, we try to let go of what did not work and welcome new ways of being and doing in the world. Use these poems to meditate on how you will do this in your own life.

Rowing Without Oars: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Ulla-Carin Lindquist; translated by Margaret Myers
In this moving book, Lindquist—a 49-year-old Swedish telejournalist and mother of four—shares her experience with living and dying with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). Yes, you will cry when you read this book. You will also have witnessed glimpses of grace and great courage.

A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars
After caring for her beloved older sister during the final six months of her life, Mars makes a vow to honor her sister by attending church for a month of Sundays. Mars chooses a different church each week and the book chronicles a trio of topics: memories of her sister, coping with her own grief, and stories about the churches she attends.

Chasing Daylight: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life by Eugene O’Kelly
When 53-year old Eugene O’Kelly got the news that he had 3 months to live, he was a 53-year-old husband, father, and CEO with a calendar of events scheduled 15 months into the future. He transformed his life so that he could use his final 100 days to unwind his relationships, live in the moment, create great moments, begin his transition, and have a good death. The way O’Kelly lived his last days holds both inspiration and wisdom for all of us.

True Notebooks: A Writer's Year at Juvenile Hall by Mark Salzman
Novelist Salzman volunteered to teach creative writing at Central Juvenile Hall, a Los Angeles County detention facility for high-risk juvenile offenders as part of the Inside Out Writers program. This narrative recounts the time spent with the youth and includes many excerpts from the students’ writings.

Word Warriors: 35 Women Leaders in the Spoken Word Revolution Edited by Alix Olson
In her introduction, Olson says: “these voices laugh, argue, retaliate, shudder, and dance through the pages.” I’ve just started reading and I cannot stop—these powerful voices will make you rage and laugh and think.

Non-fiction Books
Writing Poetry from the inside out: finding your voice through the craft of poetry by Sanford Lyne
Poet and poetry workshop leader Sanford Lyne breaks apart the practice of poem writing into achievable steps so that even the most fearful writer can learn how to sketch a poem.

The Wisdom of Wilderness: Experiencing the Healing Power of Nature by Gerald G. May
Psychologist May wrote this last book as he was dying from cancer. In it, he recounts several solitary trips to the wilderness where he encountered ‘the power of the slowing” and experienced profound gratitude. This is a beautifully written book that will bring you close to both the wilderness and the divine. A quote: “It occurred to me then that maybe sometimes when we feel most alone and abandoned by the Divine it is because that One is so very close to us that we can no longer make the distinction” (p. 182).

Fat, Broke & Lonely No More: Your Personal Solution to Overeating, Overspending, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places by Victoria Moran
This book is for anyone who feels a little bit less than and wants to enter the New Year or the next phase of their lives feeling fit, rich, and connected enough. Moran’s book contains short encouraging chapters and simple take an action steps to support the reader in changing their life.

Sacred Choices: Thinking Outside the Tribe to Heal Your Spirit by Christel Nani
This book teaches about tribal beliefs—the powerful ideas that we learn from our tribe (family, community, culture, church, profession). It then guides the readers to discover our own tribal beliefs, understand how they bind us, and learn how to follow the wisdom of our spirits.

Never Shower in a Thunderstorm: Surprising Facts and Misleading Myths About Our Health and the World We Live In by Anahad O’Connor
You need to know this stuff so you can terrify your friends and correct those urban myths! Leave this book on the kitchen table or tuck it into your bag for those moments when you have a few minutes to pass and nothing to read.

How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life: Opening Your Heart to Confidence, Intimacy, and Joy by Susan Piver
Piver offers a helpful introduction to the power of Buddhist meditation for increasing self-awareness and overcoming fear.

StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup's Now, Discover Your Strengths by Tom Rath
Curious about what you do best? Rath’s book (and the online test that goes with it) will help you discover what you do best and how to incorporate these skills into your daily life. By the way, Rath writes that when a manager focuses on employee strengths, only 1% are actively disengaged. But when a manager ignores employees, 40% are actively disengaged.

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman
Seligman, the founder of the positive psychology movement, shows how the way we explain both the good and the difficult experiences of our life can affect how happy we feel. A great book to help you get optimistic for 2008!

Riding the Dragon: 10 Lessons for Inner Strength in Challenging Times by Robert Wicks
Wicks is a psychologist and professor who is known for his work with people who have experienced trauma and tragedy. Wicks offers simple, clear instructions for embracing difficulty and learning from it.

Music
Joseph Arthur
CD: Come to Where I'm From
Download: In the Sun
Listen to Arthur’s magical poetry and haunting voice when you need to feel that someone wishes you well.
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in
May god’s love be with you
Always

James Blunt
CD: All the Lost Souls
Download: I Really Want You
This is Blunt’s prayer to a silent God. It’s a perfect song when you’re yearning for silent gods, friends, or former lovers.
I really want you/I really want you/I really want you now
. . . No matter what I say or do
The message isn’t getting through
And you’re listening to the sound
Of my breaking heart

Brandi Carlile
CD: The Story
Download: Have You Ever
Tune into Carlile’s song when you want to contemplate your life’s purpose:
have you ever stared into a starry sky?
lyin’ on your back you're askin’ why?
what's the purpose, I wonder who am I

Melissa Ferrick
CD: Everything I Need
Download: Everything I Need
Here’s an old song from a new-to-me artist. Tune into it when you’re experiencing a flash of desire for more and need a gratitude check:
Everything I need
Is right here in my hands
Right here in my hands

Ruthie Foster
CD: The Phenomenal Ruthie Foster
Download: Heal Yourself
To those of us who work at looking good while ignoring the truth of current events, Foster croons:
Taught to work to please
And pray on your knees
You pay for your cheap grace with your nominal fees
Now you try to change the news on your TV remote
Got the freedom to choose but you choose not to vote
You better heal yourself, child.

Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals
CD: Lifeline
Download: Lifeline
A song for those moments in relationships when you’re sick of playing games and want to see that lifeline:
Life is much too short to sit and wonder
Who's gonna make the next move and will slowly pull you under
When you've always got something to prove?
. . . I don't want to wait a lifetime
Yours or mine, yours or mine
Can't you see me reaching for the lifeline?

Bon Jovi
CD: Lost Highway
Download: Lost Highway
You can’t keep silent when you’ve found your life’s path:
Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
Yeah I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
Out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

Toby Keith
CD: Pull My Chain
Download: I Wanna Talk About Me
Download this for a good laugh. We’ve all had friends and coworkers who talk incessantly about themselves. Keith puts his frustrations into music in this upbeat rant:
We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my

Talib Kweli
CD: Eardrum
Download: Eat to Live
Dubbed the “thoughtful rapper,” Kweli’s songs push a strong dose of reality. This song about hungry children sets me straight when I’m whining:
Yeah, this is a ghetto prayer
Prayin for all of those who ain't got it
We gotta get it there, we gotta get it yeah
Yeah the people starvin for somethin new, we starvin for it
. . . Nuttin in the freezer, nuttin in the fridge
Couple of 40 ounces but nuttin for the kids
. . . Anyway, grandma say Jesus'll be here any day
Good - cause with nuttin to eat it's gettin hard to pray . . .

Lori McKenna
CD: Unglamorous
Download: Witness to Your Life
These lyrics remind me of what we all need—someone to be a witness to our lives:
All you really need is someone to be here
Someone who never lets you disappear
And I will be that witness to your life
This may be just a softer place to fall
But somebody will answer when you call
And I will be that witness to your life

Josh Ritter
CD: Hello Starling
Download: Wings
Ritter sings an enigmatic and moving story in this song about what wings can do:
It’s my home—last night I dreamt that I grew wings
I found a place where they could hear me when I sing

Bruce Springsteen
CD: Magic
Download: Radio Nowhere
A song for those moments when you wonder if anyone is listening or caring:
I was spinnin’ ‘round a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancin’ down a dark hole
Just searchin’ for a world
with some soul
This is radio nowhere
is there anybody alive out there?
 

Holiday Coaching Specials Through January 31st you can get some hot coaching deals by joining a group or purchasing in bulk! Try It Now! Life Coaching Gift (for you or someone you love) Are you interested in coaching but afraid to try it? Do you have a friend who could use a coaching boost? New clients can try this introductory coaching package: three 30-minute sessions for just $200.00. Life Coaching Normally, each coaching session costs $100.00. Buy 10 coaching sessions this holiday season and get them for just $850.00. Coaching for Spiritual Leaders Coaching for spiritual leaders costs just $75.00 per session. This holiday season, purchase 10 sessions for 700.00. The Write Now! Mastermind Group This group is designed to help working and wannabe writers get their writing projects done RIGHT NOW! Writers will set writing goals and present their current writing challenges and successes to the group. When: We will have two one-hour meetings a month on Wednesday afternoons beginning in January. Exact days and times will be sent to you after registration. Fee: $49.95/month with a three-month minimum commitment. Cash and credit accepted. How to register: Send an e-mail to rochelle@rightnowcoach.com  with group name in the subject line and your contact info in the body of the e-mail. Group size is limited to six people so register soon! Change Your Life Right Now! Mastermind Group I credit my mastermind groups for helping me to make large and lasting changes in my life. The Change Your Life Right Now! Mastermind group is for people who want the support and accountability to set and achieve wild and crazy goals in 2008. When: We will have two one-hour meetings a month on Monday afternoons beginning in January. Exact days and times will be sent to you after registration. Fee: $49.95/month with a three-month minimum commitment. Cash and credit accepted. How to register: Send an e-mail to rochelle@rightnowcoach.com  with group name in the subject line and your contact info in the body of the e-mail. Group size is limited to six people so register soon! Get it Right: A Revision Workshop Do you have a manuscript that needs to be revised? This workshop is for writers who are ready for feedback on a manuscript and are ready to dig in a critique-based environment yet aren’t ready to work one-on-one with a writing coach. Each group member will have the opportunity to present and receive feedback on his or her work twice in the 8-week session. The workshop will be tailored to the needs of the group. If we have enough people, separate groups will be formed for fiction and nonfiction writers. Where & When: Workshops will begin in February. A group will meet on Thursday evenings at an east side Milwaukee location. A second group will meet on Thursday afternoons on a telephone bridge line. Fee: $249.95 for eight 1 ½ hour sessions. Cash and credit accepted. How to register: Send an e-mail to rochelle@rightnowcoach.com  with group name in the subject line and your contact info in the body of the e-mail. Please designate what type of writing you do. Group size is limited to eight people so register soon! Get Inspired to Write! Check out my Right Now! store for inspiring clothes, bags, and mugs! All of my profits from the store benefit the Dream Keeper’s writing group, a class I teach for inner city teens.

Right Now! Notes is a free
monthly e-mail newsletter designed to
consider how we can integrate spirituality
and creativity into our daily lives. It is written and
produced by Rochelle Melander, personal and
professional coach. If you have any questions
or comments, please send them to:
rochelle@rightnowcoach.com.
I would love to hear from you.

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This newsletter is COPYRIGHT 2007
by ROCHELLE MELANDER,
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Do not quote without the
written permission of the author.